If life made you a shapiro, be a Jay not a Ben. [Tote] product image (1)
If life made you a shapiro, be a Jay not a Ben. [Tote] product image (2)
If life made you a shapiro, be a Jay not a Ben. [Tote] product image (3)
If life made you a shapiro, be a Jay not a Ben. [Tote] product image (4)

If life made you a shapiro, be a Jay not a Ben. [Tote]

$34.85 NZD (plus tax)

"Cool bag!"

"Oh, thanks."

"Who is Jay?"

"Oh, he has a podcast."

"I see that. So does Ben right?"

"Yeah, but Jay's is way better. Anyway, I'm kind of in a ru-"

"-Ben is kind of annoying. Isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is. I mean, Jay has some some moments too. But his politics and philosophy are really well thought out. He makes a compelling case for the lef-

"-Ben is compelling too."

"...Okay."

"I mean, in his own way he's really kind of a historic thinker. Like, he will definitely go down in history as an important person. Don't you think?"

"...Umm."

"He's also producing movies too. Have you seen Run. Fight. Hide. Infidels. Or maybe Confession?"

"No. I don't think many peo-"

"-Yes they have!"

"Okay, calm down."

"I bet Jay doesn't make movies like me!"

"Yeah, he actually does that too. They're really pretty go-... Wait, did you say 'like me'?"

"No. I said 'Ben'. 'Like Ben'. He makes movies."

"No, you said, 'like me.' I heard you."

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, you definitely did."

*Silence*

"Okay, well. I should get going. My friend is waiting for me. You should check out Jay's show."

"Why would I do that? He's a commie Marxist self-hating piece of antisem-"

"-Oh! So, you do know Jay!"

"No, I don't."

"Okay. Sure, whatever Ben."

"My name isn't Ben."

[Barista off to the side] "Vanilla caramel machiatto with light foam for Ben."

"I said 'Extra Foam."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Ben. I always forget. Let me get that for you."

"See! I knew your name was Ben."

"I thought he said Ken."

"Then why are you taking Ben's extra foam?"

"Fine. Listen, I'll level with you. I'm Ben."

"Yeah, I figured that out a while ago. Now, I actually really have to run. My friend is probably getting worried. And you really should give Jay's show a try. He's really not all that bad. You might even learn something. Hey, do you really think this is a cool bag? I got it from his website."

Ben gives it a close look. He sees the fine stitching and sturdy canvas.  He reaches out and touches the slick logo and feels the perfect slack in the shoulder strap. He pulls his hand back as a single tear forms in the corner of his eye. He nods.

"Yeah. I like the bag."

"Well, you can order one. He'd probably get a real kick out of that."

[Barista returns] "I got that extra foam here for you."

"Okay, enjoy the coffee. Have a nice day, Ben."

"...Bye"

[Barista] "Ben? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"That bag... it was really nice."

"Oh yeah? That Dilemma Podcast tote bag? I love Jay's show. You should give it a listen."

"Damn you Jay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Size: One size

More details

  • 100% cotton
  • Fabric weight: 140 g/m²
  • One size: 15″ × 16.5″ (38 cm × 42 cm)
  • Medium-length carrying handles (67 cm)
  • Capacity: 10 litres
  • Available in a wide range of colours
  • One large main compartment

Size & Fit

  • One size: 15″ × 16.5″ (38 cm × 42 cm)

Quality Guarantee & Returns

  • Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
  • Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.